Pizza Break

Wanting something, ferociously, it can be painful. It can be like an unfairness to not have the answer right now. Entitlement must be a cancer that inadequacy fuels. I know the people, the ones who are able to take uncertainty as the obvious part of life it truly is. After all, don’t we all like surprises? Isn’t life only worth living because of the unknown? On this one instance though, I want an answer now. There is a part of my mind that feels I cannot possibly go on, performing at my job, interacting with people without this result of this one question. What does waiting do for me anyway, build character? I think I am fully developed. Do I have to keep building? When is it ever enough? The anticipation is this mix of uncertainty, an excitement, along with anxiety, lack of control. I cannot control this situation, nor the result. Even if you asked me what I would have wanted from this, I can’t say that I would have chosen correctly. I want God himself to interrupt his schedule, make...

Light is considered "good," because throughout life, lack of light inhibits our ability to see, interpret, and sense danger. I feel, because the sun produces light that plants need to live and almost all organic beings need to survive, that light makes perfect sense as the representation of all that is "good," in the world. Darkness is indicative of evil right? Like, all the bad things happen at night, darkness is the absence of light, darkness is colder, lonelier, and biologically discounts one of our best senses, sight. With darkness being the root of all evil, the sum of all fears, what is it about the light that makes us so at peace? After all, would I rather see my death coming at me, or have it be a surprise out of the darkness? Would I rather live in the shadows or be exposed by the light to those I otherwise wouldn't want to know certain things about me. Isn't the internet a form of "light," where aspects of ourselves we try to keep hid...

I wish I could take credit for something, anything good I’ve done. However, I am able to say with great joy I cannot. I cannot take any compliments for I am at best a tool used in the process of someone’s life. What I can take credit for are the mistakes. I have made plenty, have suffered, and have learned from them. Choosing to see the benefits in mistakes and removing judgment and guilt, old habits die hard. What I am able to do and say, if I allow the words to come rather than coming up with my own motive is way better than anything I could have ever created. Words dance in my head waiting to be birthed. Concepts that I am unable to develop until I sit down and write. I want to say these words are the words from God himself, but unfortunately the words cannot do HIM justice.  A memoir exposing the internal thoughts that plagued my own life.  Helping in the world takes more sacrifice than I expected, and in ways I never thought. I was willing to “work hard,” though ...

One word, a conditioned response. A family ravaged by smell. Our dog Athena, a 4-year-old husky, is a unique individual. Though she is technically still a dog, she is more like a sister to our daughter, a second bratty sibling. She shoves our daughter down to get food, competes with her for attention, talks to us in a way that we swear is demeaning us and our life choices.  If you walk in the door or wake up in the morning and fail to acknowledge her first, she becomes upset and lets out a grumble and a low howl.  She takes her food and scatters it all over the floor, demands walks when you put your shoes on.    To be fair, she is sweet as well. She cuddles when upset, is kind to our daughter when she falls on her, despite the falling occurring due to Athena’s unwillingness to move. She is a handful, and has a mentality unlike what one would expect from a normal dog. She gets her way through straight lack of care or concern for others, desires head of the pack and...