Pizza Break

Years ago in a mindset far far away... So I ate the oatmeal, that is about 300 calories. I had the yogurt too, that is about 110, about a hundred I guess. Then I ate the fish and the almonds, that was another 400. I'm not going to count the spinach leaves, I will leave those out, well, I did have some hummus with them, OK another 100. Now, the total is.... The mind races too quick to interpret, the numbers like a Rain Man example playing inside the mind. All numbers, their quantities, their times, their circumstances, the feeling afterwards, what I had last week, what I had before that, the last time I felt this way, all thoughts the mind is forced to remember. The mind can do all of this because it is sacred. It is sacred of losing. Losing control. Losing the competition of life. Losing this facade of self that only the same mind that controls, sees. "Hello, I am Luke and I enjoy reading books, writing, and I go to the gym a little bit." (insert awkward laugh) ...

Getting what we deserve, at best, means getting nothing at all. This, no matter the contribution. A hard truth to face yet one we must humbly accept. Either we admit we were short-changed, or we admit that we were entitled to nothing, which ever is easier for you to swallow and digest is yours for the choosing. Why would I make a claim like this? Why would we not be entitled to at least some things in life? After all, are we not, "good people" who deserve to be treated as such? Are we all the buttholes we see on TV and want nothing to do with? en·ti·tle·ment inˈtīdlmənt,enˈtīdlmənt/ noun the fact of having a right to something. I believe now, as a father, that I did pretty well as a child and that I am entitled to more than my siblings. This a joke for reference (I wasn't that good). My brothers would argue that I received my entitlement, with interest. This expectation did not stop in the home, but transferred to how the world needed...

The week between Christmas and New Year’s was like an extension of Christmas itself. There was all the same foods, for my mom made plenty. The decorations were still up and active. The gifts were all opened  and Santa resting from his busy night, and most importantly I was out of school and my various school-related activities. It was like for that week the world lie in this slumber of jammies and food. The food at my house was the best obviously and I made it my purpose to see all of those goodies be put to good use. My aunt Cindy always made the puppy Chow and made it by the pounds. This powdery-sugary, peanut-buttery goodness was in excess and one of the last sweets to go.   I can recall sitting on my bed with nothing better to do than to take a styrophome divider plate and take all the goodies I wanted to stuff in that night. As a child I would grab and eat, but as an adolescent my prep work became my hobby. I realized the mindless eating made me feel miserable, but...

Movies have one benefit over books. They reach a larger audience, easier. Otherwise, they fail in every comparison when it comes to the intent of telling a story through the mind of the author. A visual representation of an idea is unique to that individual, which is why when we read something, we all have a slightly different interpretation. In other words, the pictures displayed meant to represent someone’s vision, may fall flat as to what you would have depicted. Take a movie like Transformers.  I personally would have thought of a different, smaller rendition, of the aliens as vehicles. I would have made them less human, more animal in nature. I wouldn’t have had them conversing with us as equals, but instead us to them like a master to its dog. Sure they could overpower us, but so can all sorts of animals we master. I think this could have added a depth to the characters and significance of the various story lines. Visual representation of thought.  A depiction of wh...

In the newest Star Wars film,  VIII, The Last Jedi , we see a weathered Luke Skywalker, his potentially heiress apparent, Rey, and an entire cast of people depicted in the previews to which I am giving nothing away. NO SPOILERS!!! Throughout the Star Wars franchise we find there is this battle from the Dark Side and Light of who is to "win". Jedi are the knights of The Force (someone is going to tear this apart I know) and fight for the rebellion out of default it seems because there needs balance in "The Force" from the "Dark Side" wanting to take over.  In the latest trilogy, the Dark Side is represented by The First Order and they are doing what the Dark Side has always done in the previous movies, and all throughout the franchise, including the cartoons.  So, what we have here is a battle between good and evil, light and dark, and there is this underlying balance of "The Force" that is the median between them both. In the TV show Sp...

Back in the day (who knows when, just seems appropriate to set the stage) ornaments used to be things like candy, cakes, and little toys. “Shiny” things weren’t really a thing until mass production of items and therefore a need to make things shiny came into existence. Now, almost all Christmas decorations have some shine to them. Some glitter, sparkle, glimmer, gloss, all give way to an image of the commercialized, Christmas experience. I make sure to say commercialized, for the original Christmas was anything but shiny. In fact, it was opposite of shiny. I wasn’t there, but mangers and horse stables tend to hold a weathered-wood image in my head. What makes Christmas so great is unique to each one of us. Some people like the excuse to over eat. Some people like their perception of more cheer, more love, and more giving. Some people are more nostalgic and this time of year reminds them of being a child which could be some of your best memories. Others might find this time of yea...

This is the year I am going to do it. I am going to do restrict the entire week before Thanksgiving. I am going to workout, extra hard, even on the day of to make up for all the extra calories I will have earned. I might be in such a state of famine that the extra slices of pie will be converted to the then devastated muscle tissue. "Gotta get my Fitbit steps up to justify the 4th helpings."  Logic has a funny way of being illogical. The contradiction here should entertain as well as intrigue. What is true in our minds is true to us. Even if "science" (yes I meant the quotes) deems our truth as false, we might not choose to recognize this "science." Outsiders may deem our view of the truth as "wrong" though that really doesn't matter to us, does it? I think that even the most passive people stand up for what they believe in. Even if it is in their own head. I believe that some of the most feeble-minded people have the most concrete bel...

Sweet, lazy, little me.  As a child there were many opportunities I had to make money. My father was always willing to pay me something to work for him. These wages might have been meager and the work the type with no end, however the opportunities existed. In retrospect, I was lazy. It's easy to look back on my former childhood self with these critical perspectives, discounting all behaviors as a desire to be a sloth. When I really think about it though, if I was lazy then, am I not still the same lazy person now? Can a person really do a 180 degree turn and change completely who they once were? You have to remember, I am saying I was lazy as a child, a child who didn't choose as much as acted on impulse. I did not see consequences, I just saw the here and now, living for the moment. I would connive and scheme as to how I could avoid work, but yet weren't those things work in themselves? Was I really lazy when I was actively trying to convince my mom and dad without ...

Tearing the can open. Pouring the excess water into the sink. Turning on the faucet, hopefully washing the liquid and therefore smell down the drain. Tearing off the top of a sardine can is the most difficult part. Finite movements of a thumb and wrist to wiggle the pre-cut metal to come lose without flinging fishy, oily-water all over the place. I have had times where the oil has flung onto my shirt and pants, or on the wall next to the sink. Somehow, no matter how hard I try to be careful, the end of the can always sticks, frustration peaks, and my flick of the wrist turns into a hopeful jerk.   Splat. Right on the pants, again.   "Dang it." As fear creeps in that I will have a subtly, fish smell on me for the entire day now. Yet, I have already put my shoes and socks on so a few specks of fish aren't enough persuasion to go back now, I am on a father/hourly-employee time table.   Why do I do it? Why would I choose to eat canned fish afte...

What happens when at work, the boss comes in and talks about the entire company struggling because you are no longer focused on the core beliefs of the company. However, what if in your perspective, what you do everyday, helps reinforce that belief, just in a different way. An example is when you show up to work and to support a tire company, you focus on where the company is getting their rubber plants and the soil there and how effective this soil is in terms of harvesting the rubber plant. I know absolutely nothing about tire making, however stick with me. What happens when the boss looks at the group of 5 of you and says that "we are missing the point here and are not focusing on making the best tire possible because we are spread too thin or focused on 'other' things." So, again, you listen respectfully to your boss, you pay attention to what is being said, and you feel no guilt for you are doing exactly what the boss wants, focus on making the best tire. Ho...

If you're like me, then you love a good argument. Anytime a title says something "I am doing wrong," or "shouldn't be doing," it sparks the debater in me, for which I am no master (lol) . So, put em up because this is a doozy. Kids these days are fragile. I know this because their parents are fragile. I know parents are fragile because of the arguments witnessed in real life and on social media. Imagine, grown people expecting something in return for doing nothing at all, or that people who work harder shouldn't have more than those who don't. Or a parent telling their child they don't have to listen to authority, including the police. All true stories. Now, parenting is a difficult task, one which I have just entered the realm of. The commercials tell me there is no "right" or "wrong" to parenting, only to be there. Yes. I love that. Just show up and I get credit. Awesome! Bullying isn't just a problem in paren...

A Doughnut cake, different then a cake doughnut. Doing things you enjoy for the sake of doing them. This, a concept often overlooked, one I personally struggle with. Ulterior motives linger as I type. Thoughts about how others will receive what I think. I choose my words carefully for I fear this. A pattern throughout my life, a pattern that caused more pain, then pain would allow for. A brutally honest post means others will know what I have feared for so long; what people thought of me. I wanted to be "cool." I want people to think I have things "under control," whatever that means. It took me 31 years to finally realize and accept that I will die one day and that I could have wasted my time on the in-between. This place of not fully doing what you want and not quite doing what you ought to do, a concept taken from The Screwtape Letters, C.S. Lewis. A concept that hit hard. It's easier to say, "no, I like these things." When in reality I ...