Messed Up.

What happens when at work, the boss comes in and talks about the entire company struggling because you are no longer focused on the core beliefs of the company. However, what if in your perspective, what you do everyday, helps reinforce that belief, just in a different way.

An example is when you show up to work and to support a tire company, you focus on where the company is getting their rubber plants and the soil there and how effective this soil is in terms of harvesting the rubber plant. I know absolutely nothing about tire making, however stick with me. What happens when the boss looks at the group of 5 of you and says that "we are missing the point here and are not focusing on making the best tire possible because we are spread too thin or focused on 'other' things." So, again, you listen respectfully to your boss, you pay attention to what is being said, and you feel no guilt for you are doing exactly what the boss wants, focus on making the best tire. However, the boss thinks that the best tire starts with the structure of the tire, not the materials, much less the soil of the harvested materials. Instead, you realize that a mold, design, shape, all will fall if the material that makes it up isn't the best it can be, so you continue on justifying your time spent to determine the best materials.

Now, because you were raised in a household where your parents never listened to you, they were hyper-critical, or you were in some way neglected, you developed this low self-worth and therefore have this tendency to question yourself when there is no need. You went to a therapist to work on these issues, but honestly you are a good worker, and there hasn't been anything too consequential and you have actually thrived on this worry to be good, at work.

So, when the boss states to the small group of what needs to be the focus, you look past your common sense and become irrational in thought. Your old low-self esteem tendencies start to question your use of time. So, after sitting in your office for a while and absorbing the conversation, thoughts, and feelings, you decide to go down to the coworker's office and share with them your thoughts and beliefs about where you allocate company time and reason why. The coworker agrees with you and subtly the conversation goes into how the boss is old, he is behind the times, and though his method has been the most effective thus far, times are changing. Innocently enough, one comment here or there goes into agreeing about the old perspective, and then one more about intolerant, and then even a little further into, "well, yea, he probably won't be here long." All of a sudden the gates of gossip open up and you are no longer talking about work, or your original intent to seek validation from a coworker, but you are gossiping negative things about the boss, others, and feeling a bit more comfortable start to make bold statements about changes that have to occur for success.

So, you leave your coworkers office, go to your own, all reinforced, validated, and ensuring yourself that the conversation was necessary for your work. The next meeting you all have with the boss, he says something about productivity and you no longer take what the boss says to heart, but instead negate the importance of what is being said. Instead of making anything the boss says a top priority you justify your knowledge as superior because remember, "the boss won't be here much longer anyways," according to your coworker's unreliable source.

Over time, the production continues, but the work demeanor starts to fall. There is no more spark left for the job and instead of feeling good about where you work, you start to have resentments that you know better and how did this person even got this job. More time passes, and more resentments, and holes found in the work. A dark shade of negativity colors your once bright work environment.

It's easy to look back and blame a boss, or the one time you were corrected for a mistake or generalize miscommunication or small quirks as some reason to discount. However, look back, look way back to the beginning. Look back before the first interaction with the coworker where in inadequacies, a vulnerability, interfered with what was once a "content" work environment. Look back at how a low self-worth misinterpreted a situation and then the poison that started to spread.

Is all it takes are a few moves in either the right or the wrong direction to change the area you work. You can't change others, but you can be more self-aware of how your interactions, choices, biases, affect your environment. It is too easy to look at someone else and say they are the problem, when you were the one who pushed them that way. If a guy jumps off the cliff because you made fun of him, was it suicide or did you have a small hand in his death? I'll leave that last one to serious philosophers, however we are all responsible for what we do, how we act, and our motive behind the action. If we are needing validation yet we secretly like to tear someone down to feel better about ourselves, then we missed the mark and cut off the nose to spite the face.