Bullying. Version 2.0

If you're like me, then you love a good argument. Anytime a title says something "I am doing wrong," or "shouldn't be doing," it sparks the debater in me, for which I am no master (lol) . So, put em up because this is a doozy.

Kids these days are fragile. I know this because their parents are fragile. I know parents are fragile because of the arguments witnessed in real life and on social media. Imagine, grown people expecting something in return for doing nothing at all, or that people who work harder shouldn't have more than those who don't. Or a parent telling their child they don't have to listen to authority, including the police. All true stories. Now, parenting is a difficult task, one which I have just entered the realm of. The commercials tell me there is no "right" or "wrong" to parenting, only to be there.

Yes. I love that. Just show up and I get credit. Awesome!

Bullying isn't just a problem in parenting but a societal concern. After all, "It takes a village," and in some cases, a social worker. When a kid gets bullied at school and a teacher, parent, other student, family member, day care person, witness either the action of bullying or a change in behavior, let us not point all the fingers at the bully, but give some responsibility to the victim.

No, do not ask the kid who gets bullied what they did to deserve this, but instead instill a sense of advocacy within the youth. This not the typical punitive response taken to stop the immediate bullying, but instead reassures the victim that bullying is usually a response to inadequacies. Education can be spent not on anti-anything for it is saying what not to do, versus what to do. Just like the title of the post says about doing something wrong and the combat that ensues prior to reading, I find that anti- programs never tell us what to do. 

I think what we should do is reinforce victims who come forward. Spend time and resources understanding how the kids feel and educating them on what a bully does and what they expect to get out of it. Kids can also learn that things are not always fair. Bullies don't always get caught and others may have to sacrifice for the sake of the bully, like when an entire class gets in trouble. Well, again with the "village" idea, if we are to act as though all of the influences in youth's lives are contained in adults, we are sadly mistaken. Instead, kids are influenced and either reinforced or sullied against certain behaviors based on the response of others. Growing up, I picked on my brother Beau the most because he gave the best response. He screamed, yelled, and I even got him to cuss in front of mom once, I got my reward. My youngest brother Casey got slightly annoyed at best. He knew I was bored, he knew my game. Unfortunately for me, he felt confident and empowered. Because of this, I left him alone. I even made him "King for the Day," in our house.

I am glad we are all still friends, because I put them through a rough ride. 

Look at anti-drug campaigns, fail. Look at anti-sex stances in school, teaching ignorance. Look at anti-bullying, it takes the power from the victim and reinforces it. It says, "hey kids if you are getting bullied then we will take it from here." Now, if you are like me, you see the bigger picture and therefore bigger consequences here. You see how self-advocating is important. Not in retaliation, or a physical response like shooting up a school, but validation from the teachers, parents, caregivers, various "villagers" in the life of the youth. I know that when a SWAT team enters the premises of a potential active shooter, they actually bypass any hurt victims to contain the active shooter. This a method the anti-bullying campaign follows. Instead of taking care of the wounded and aiding them we step over them to contain the bully, to punish as a response versus aid those needing it. Essentially giving more attention to the bully.

Bullying, a behavior, a response typically produced by the people who need counseling the most, causes a deep detriment to its victims. Now, with living online, bullying doesn't just stop when a kid leaves the premises, but can occur by someone halfway around the world. Bullies exist and by spending time and resources eradicating them, let us instead empower the victims to be able to identify these people and learn some distress tolerance to gain resilience, or GRIT as researchers look for in successful people. We could spend an entire day plugging holes in a damn, one-by one, or we could fix the damn wall (lol).

I am not suggesting that we allow bullies to do what they do, for sometimes they may not even see their behaviors, just like many adults do not see theirs. Instead we need to reinforce people to be resilient and understand that Sh** happens and we have to roll with it. Someone will not come in and save us and the adults cannot get mad that bullying still exists when the news just had a story about this race versus that one. What we don't learn as kids we will not magically understand as adults. Resilience is produced from distress and I hope at some point distress causes the best parts of you to show.