Writing.

When you write, your natural tendencies come out. Some good, some bad, some you didn’t even know existed and wouldn’t until someone else pointed them out. I have noticed in my own therapy, ahem, writing I meant, that an easy go-to for me is negative. I’ve seen it all throughout. Originally, I thought I went negative because it was easy to knock on unhealthy, processed foods and their parent companies than it was to be nice about it. After all, being negative sells and we tend to remember what didn’t work better than what did. I’ve never been bitten by a snake, but you better believe the one time I saw one in the tall grass is the memory I recall versus the thousands of time I didn’t.

Well, naturally, I guess negativity comes out which then begs the question, “Am I a negative person?” My wife would say yes I think, though to her I justify it as “realistic.” Anyone else, I try to present as the positive, or at least understanding one. Though, I am easily to see the negative versus potential. It’s easy for me to see destruction versus progress. I can say the words, and believe them, but it doesn’t make them a natural thing for me. I was raised negative, or at least critical. Being critical is being protected and being protected keeps a person safe. I have a family now and you better believe I want them safe and sound. If that means I am hyper-critical of anyone who knocks on my door, then I guess, so be it.

What happens though when you realize a natural tendency in yourself and want to change it? Like, am I supposed to first superficially follow those I see as being more positive in my case? Am I supposed to forcefully go out and meet new people, experience new things I am uncomfortable with to learn new ways? Is my problem big enough and impacting my life enough to need a counselor? After all, I don’t want to be negative any more, but I am not sure I want to attend therapy to talk about such an insignificant problem. After all, I do see the benefit of being this way, it can provide my family with safety. Those who stay callous can’t get hurt. Those who see the world as a negative don’t get let down. You can see that I am naturally leaning the way of negative already, I am justifying why it should be versus telling you to not be.

I am however, being honest. I am practicing the art of vulnerability. Though telling the truth may seem a far cry from being more positive, all roads lead to an improved quality of life. For me, being honest results in less held secrets, less resentments and judgments of others, and therefore seeing things, sunny side up versus the hyper-critical way I was before. Another step I could take to be less negative is to fake being nice? No. I have tried that. I have tried the smiles and nods, forcefully aching my muscles as my mind knows these feelings lack authenticity. I used more energy to smile and nod than If I were genuine and disagreed, thus creating conflict. No, superficial did not work for me at all.

What did start to work, was probably the most obvious thing I could have done. This one really gave meaning to missing the forest because the trees were in the way. I could have, genuinely, looked for the good in all people. After all, I believe people are made from God who is good, and I doubt he would make a “bad” thing, so then I believe that people are good. Believing people are good then results in my smiles and nods and even subtle disagreements being genuine. A genuine response is typically read by the other, responses change, and a more intimate relationship is formed. Even if the relationship is a short-lived bathroom exchange of “excuse me.” This time when I said the phrase, I meant it. Genuinely believing all people are good and wanting to support good, it becomes so much easier to do good and want to see good in others. I am thinking outside of myself, it isn’t all about me.  

My writing may have come across as negative, but I argue that it’s satire. OK, maybe it’s a lot of sarcasm. What is genuine though, are the words. Not because I want them to be, but because I believe in the meaning behind them. I want people to do better, be better, and learn, even if it was in spite of a blog post written by some un-credentialed person. Ultimately catalysts for change are all around us, what matters is what we choose to see.