Diet Dilemma

As diet phenomenons go, they strike with ferocity, only to leave with a subtle whisper. Fad diets, no matter how much they are based in research will inevitably pass thus leaving people to their old behaviors. Diets like Atkins, where carbohydrates are eliminated and certain ones slowly let back in, Ketogenic diet, which can be pretty severe, Intermittent Fasting where you go for 8-16-or 24 hour bursts with no food, I call that being poor at work, and a popular one as of late, (If It Fits Your Macros) or IIFYM for short. Whatever you decide and whatever happens afterwards, make sure not to be too hard on yourself.

For my brothers and I growing up, carbohydrates were one of the first things we learned about as detrimental to our physiques. When I entered college I discovered that the highly refined types were also detrimental to my mental health, a fact that sticks with me still today. However "low-carb" the family, outside of my littlest brother and father whom tend to eat in "moderation," whatever that means, still wanted to indulge. One of our favorite past-times and the purpose for writing this blog over the next couple months was pizza. Pizza was always a time of mental celebration. The family might have all been busy doing different things, but when those pizza boxes showed up we all came together, even if it was to fight over the last slice of the non-vegetable type.

In our house, as the smell of 5-6 boxes of large pies entered the room meant we gathers. Varying toppings on top of the dreaded crust, mostly consisting of meats and cheeses with a few veggies or an entire one depending on my mom's obligation. The boxes strewn about as the brothers and I search for the ideal pizza. I would grab first, 3-4 slices. Right away ripping the cheese and pepperoni off the top, justifying the crust as crap anyway. I don't care if the pizza came with dipping sauce, the bread is dry and the toppings have all the flavor.

It takes about 20 minutes for your stomach to tell the brain you've had enough. Twenty minutes of pizza consumption in a competitive household of 4 boys can mean a lot of quick overeating. In my case an entire pizza easy. Friends never understood the habit and when a friend from school and I ordered pizza in college he would see my ridiculous behaviors take place.

 "I don't really like the crust." I would say lying through my teeth, allowing a few chewy morsels in, just to have a taste.

Like a drug addict screaming for more, the toppings were rich, but weren’t pizza. I would never take a bag of cheese, throw in some grocery store pepperoni pieces and cook it in the microwave. Here I was. This was no longer a meal, just a calorie induced fatty snack. Yes, it contained copious amounts of both protein and fat, hunger satiation to the max, however I still wasn't satisfied. I knew that this behavior wasn't healthy. My motive to eat just the toppings and even to consume some of the "carb blocker chews" we all swore by as kids too, was because I was scared of overeating, meaning I couldn't control myself. I had convinced myself that if my brothers and I had pizza, I had to eat until stuffed. A rule that didn't apply to other meals. It was an unspoken rule regarding pizza alone. I hadn't ever thought to question it because the only time I stopped eating was when the pizza ran out. Birthday parties, sleep overs, restaurants, anytime pizza was involved I had to have a bunch of it.

What we think dieting looks like. 

In my current state, moderation is a word in my vocabulary. Though I can look "ideal" going black and white on a diet plan, I still feel the same uneasy feeling when I do. This is because I know better. I know that I am not living balanced when I feel the need to go all or nothing. I know that I can have some, or even one, and walk away. Yea, having one does make me want more, but there are plenty of feelings that I have to trudge through, why not this one? What made a craving for pizza so intense that I felt this need to consume more than was necessary? Why as a child did I never learn to balance my meals?

What I found was that a "diet" doesn't work for me because I know better. I know me and I know what I need to work on. By relying on a "diet" to make me feel better, more in control, I am avoiding the real problem. The real problem for me is in the mind. Food is an emotional break, or at least it was. In my town tour of pizza I have already discovered that food can be good, it's allowed to be. I do not need to demonize foods because, hey, we have enough food to eat that I actually get to choose. Also, I learned that by eliminating "diet" thinking, I also get to reduce the "all-or-nothing" mentality, which yes had me eat strict during 95% of the time, leaving 5% to binge. Honestly, this isn't good enough for me. I knew I had to do better and couldn't rely on my childlike mindset to sustain today in this adult body.