Yeah, but...

Such a messed-up way to respond to someone. To acknowledge someone said something, yet without even completing the sentence indicated by a period, a comma and a word thrown afterwards to discount thought, trump an opinion of another with your own. "But," typically the next phrase intending to discount or argue what the "yeah," recognized.

"Well Tim, I think that we should put up Christmas lights for the Holidays." Says Jill very excited about her plan.

"Yeah, but what about if we, um, don't." Responds Tim.

"I just think that it will add to the holiday cheer and others will like it is all." Jill's response more subdued now.

"Right, um, no." Says Tim as he continues to read his paper without looking up or even considering a change.

"Yeah, but..." Isn't anything but. They occur all the time and can be done so, as Tim showed us, with different words. What to look for is when these things occur in life and recognize how you feel afterwards. Jill might not have realized it, but she was discounted and may go about her day attributing her now affected mood to other things, when it was Tim's discounting of her opinion that may have been the catalyst.

Even worse, due to being more subtly accepted is when the "Yeah, but..." is done without words. When the idea is assumed. When you are watching an infomercial about "diet pills," which are essentially reminding you "You're good, but could you imagine if you were thinner?" At least when the phrase is stated there are words to catch on to. Instead what you get with the idea of "yea, but..." more so without the words is insidious, like the Trojan Horse allowed into the mind just to tear it apart.

We live in a "yeah, but..." society. All opinions, beliefs, thoughts, all able to be justified and calibrated to be "correct." I see what you're saying and what your thoughts are, but mine are the correct ones. Mine are the thoughts and opinion that matter, however it's cute you thought yours were. Passive-aggressive at it's finest. A form of communication not downright rude like an aggressive comment, but more cancerous. More underlying and thought of later when the conversation is over.

"My idea was 'cute,' how dare he..." Then followed with more desire to justify the option to the passive-aggressive responder.

We get caught or at least affected by these subtle discounts of our beliefs. We are constantly invalidated in the way we feel. If we are overweight according to some standard, than it is because we did not do something right, we failed to achieve. If I am not as successful as I "should be" then I was too lazy to find it. If we are watching TV after a long day of work, and a TV show comes on depicting a busy-body and we start to think we are lazy, then again it was our fault, for we are unable to do more than just the work required for the day, not to mention all the extras.

If you don't think like that and are so self-assured that you did the best you could, then you sir or ma'am need to bottle that reassuring thought process and sell it to those of us who are not that bold.

For the rest of us, those who feel invalidated, discounted, powerless in our attempts to assert our views, let me remind you that when discounted, no matter how subtle, it affects you. Depending on how much you allow this to occur is on you. For me, even a subtle news program talking about this or that wrong with the world has the ability to influence me to think that my positive perspective is wrong. I am wrong for thinking it because the world is dark and we all need to protect ourselves. No, not correct. My perspective is my opinion and means something. The subtle discounting that occurs is there to exert an ulterior motives for which I am not in agreement.

Recognize these subtleties and make sure you remind yourself of your goals in life. This, something a constant battle, but worth it in the end when your idea is the correct one. This last part was sarcasm, another passive-aggressive way to undermine someone.

Just pay attention.

God Bless.