Fatherhood.
I am one now. I have a child and for the first time, I have an obligation in which I am no longer, "Free to do as I wish." This feeling isn't unique, for parenting is as natural as a bowel movement. We have our own lives for a short while, a trial run to see if we can take care of ourselves first. We are supposed to learn, not just to care, but discipline and be an example to. We are expected through some divine force, without a manual mind you, to contribute with the greatest gift we have to offer; an extension of ourselves.
My father did the best he could. He raised four boys in a household of chaos, discontentment, and on the other end, this time now, we are alive, well, and in touch. Sure there are things easy to piece apart, things my experience in counseling has led me to see, things that my siblings wouldn't see, things they shouldn't see. We are free of jail, all limbs in tact, work, and contribute in some way to the positives more than the negatives of society. This, says all you need to know about how we were raised. Everything else, is just too microscopic to be detrimental.
As a father now, I see that the best laid plans are anything but guaranteed. In fact, one of the most detrimental things a person could do in any relationship is to "make plans." There is no guarantee on any of this and expectations are made on what we feel we deserve. I deserved that my daughter would agree to "brush teeth" the night before when out of the blue she didn't. We have done this a thousand times and yet, here she is, this one time, not meeting my expectation and I got upset. The funny thing is, she, like most kids I would assume, all defy their parents. It is what I want from her. I want her to find her boundaries and live. I also want her to respect them and know when to stop, especially when she pulls daddy's beard and "hurts daddy."
My parenting is an extension of my own parents. I try to do something different through recognizing my behaviors, but I still get more upset than I would like. A trait of mine that has its benefits in passion, but a detriment when disappointment occurs. My father is considered more, "mild mannered," by anyone who knows him. I think there might have been some wild days in high school, but we haven't had enough beers to talk about them. He and my mom place value on different things and have a response about them that resulted on going to dad when you made a mistake in one area, versus mom in another. For signed progress notes in school, I always asked dad. My parents were not cut from the same cloth and therefore raised 4 boys with different perspectives and temperaments. Like this smoothie of passiveness with an aggressive twist. Which makes for some pretty great stories overall. Some of which can be found here.
Being a "mama's boy," my relationship with my dad was casual. The "deep" talks weren't as much a thing as jokes were. We laughed a lot, got the time together, even if it was reluctantly going on drives across the state or doing chores at, "the shop," that never seemed to end. I was always more famine in my ways due to my excessive time with mom (pre-brothers), and I was more comfortable at home. I am also more emotional like my mom as well as a coordinator of sorts of the family when my dad is just happy to be there. With the gifts given to me by my mom, I was able to get one very notable thing from my dad; I work obsessively hard. Sometimes I do not work hard on the right things and would rather write a blog than vacuum the living room, but still, the ethic is there.
As we all take this parenting ride, it's good to see what kinds of qualities we like in ourself and how our temperament is best used. It's good to spend time practicing an awareness of how we might affect other people. Emotions are real, though, more prevalent for some, but we do not have to become them. We do not have to succumb to feelings merely because they are felt. Instead, we can listen, understand, and try to provide the environment of freedom and safety for a little person to thrive.
I feel these obligations were met by my own parents. That, along with all limbs in tact, no jail time, and no little babies in high school. Whew....
My parenting is an extension of my own parents. I try to do something different through recognizing my behaviors, but I still get more upset than I would like. A trait of mine that has its benefits in passion, but a detriment when disappointment occurs. My father is considered more, "mild mannered," by anyone who knows him. I think there might have been some wild days in high school, but we haven't had enough beers to talk about them. He and my mom place value on different things and have a response about them that resulted on going to dad when you made a mistake in one area, versus mom in another. For signed progress notes in school, I always asked dad. My parents were not cut from the same cloth and therefore raised 4 boys with different perspectives and temperaments. Like this smoothie of passiveness with an aggressive twist. Which makes for some pretty great stories overall. Some of which can be found here.
Being a "mama's boy," my relationship with my dad was casual. The "deep" talks weren't as much a thing as jokes were. We laughed a lot, got the time together, even if it was reluctantly going on drives across the state or doing chores at, "the shop," that never seemed to end. I was always more famine in my ways due to my excessive time with mom (pre-brothers), and I was more comfortable at home. I am also more emotional like my mom as well as a coordinator of sorts of the family when my dad is just happy to be there. With the gifts given to me by my mom, I was able to get one very notable thing from my dad; I work obsessively hard. Sometimes I do not work hard on the right things and would rather write a blog than vacuum the living room, but still, the ethic is there.
As we all take this parenting ride, it's good to see what kinds of qualities we like in ourself and how our temperament is best used. It's good to spend time practicing an awareness of how we might affect other people. Emotions are real, though, more prevalent for some, but we do not have to become them. We do not have to succumb to feelings merely because they are felt. Instead, we can listen, understand, and try to provide the environment of freedom and safety for a little person to thrive.
"Slow to speak, quick to listen."- Somebody Somewhere said this.
I feel these obligations were met by my own parents. That, along with all limbs in tact, no jail time, and no little babies in high school. Whew....
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