Pleasure of Pain
Pain and sacrifice oftentimes go hand in hand. Now, I am no expert on pain for I have done whatever I could in life to avoid it. I run from conflict. I manipulate situations to ease the initial blow. I have a tendency to justify my own behaviors no matter how blatant so that it doesn't sound so bad. I have mistakes in my past that when retold can be said in such a way where observers can agree, "Well, you probably had to."
Sadly, I know better now. For some gift of insight, I have always known. Jealous of others whom got to look past themselves and didn't over-analyze their actions or further inward, their intent. I was always aware of mine. Even as a youth, picking on my brothers, bullying them for my own entertainment. I knew I was dissatisfied with myself and the external stimuli of a brother's frustrations was entertainment, a distraction, for a little while at least.
When picking on my brothers wasn't available, or enough, food then became the automatic go-to. Yes, food saved myself from, well, insight. It covered up all my woes, and like any drug addict will tell you, the path to get more of it, and the best of it, takes up all your time. For me, I needed the most and to know the most and best was available. I learned food chemistry at a young age by realizing that butter seems to add a richness to anything, so I had sugar and butter, I could pretty much make my own drugs.
What is it about pain that is too much? Not physical, that is measurable and has a purpose. After all, if you break your toe and can no longer walk on it, your body is simply trying to help you out. No, this is the mental pain, anguish if you will. The deep feeling that we have all experienced that can be one of the biggest downfalls of this life.
Pain, gets our attention, that's for sure. For some of us, it brings about the worst, the deviant behavior, use of external stimuli (food, sex, drugs, relationships, money) to cover up. Others, pain has this odd tendency to bring about the best. Like a counter response to pride, pain can break us down and remind us of our true place in this world.
Emotional pain does have a purpose. It has to, otherwise, even biologically, we are admitting to a faulty human set-up. The body knows better, even if our conscious selves doesn't want to see it. Emotional pain can actually be appreciated once you look at it. Once we stop avoiding guilt, anguish, shame, jealousy, betrayal, hurt, whatever mucky, negative feeling you can contrive, it can be appreciated.
Now, stick with me here, I am not saying that to have a satisfying life that we have to be in emotional discontent all the time. Wait, am I saying that? Maybe I am saying that. Maybe what it takes to find contentment is to acknowledge the parts of you that cause this pain inside. Admit these parts to yourself, radically acknowledge that all parts of you are worthy of acknowledgement, like the last kid picked in dodgeball, not because he sucks, but because it has to happen. Even the worst parts of you, are still parts of you. The child inside of me that wants to overindulge on holiday treats still exists and he has a purpose. I learn from him, he reminds me of what others overlook. I cannot forget that I have this part inside that looks externally for stimulation, which once I accepted it, I can now recognize it, and continue to improve on my ability to stay in the moment, without the external stimuli of food to "enhance" it. Plus, over-eating stimulating foods undoubtedly leads to sickness afterwards, a physical pain of the body telling me what I SHOULDN'T have done.
Yes, what I am saying after all, is that pain can be a pleasure. Not in the traditional sense of an orgasm or food or love from another, but in its own way can at the very least, be appreciated. Mental pain has its benefits, yet we avoid pain as though it only bears detriment. The funny thing is, when you look at people who are always seeking pleasure rather than avoiding pain, they are the ones most miserable. Pleasure being tasted, poisons life without it. The brain is meant to chase reward after all, and when there is no more, or that same quantity of reward is found again, more is needed. The brain is a greedy beast.
Not with pain however. Pain in small doses, a little reminder of human characteristics, that we are not bulletproof and that at times we all feel down. Feelings pass, this moment passes, pleasure passes. The funny thing about how pain and pleasure are stored in the brain is that pain is minimized, "It wasn't that bad," versus pleasure is maximized, "Dude, The Last Jedi was awesome," though the next time you see it, it isn't new and no longer is as exciting as the first time. By sacrificing everything, expecting nothing, you have nothing to lose and therefore less pain manifests. It is our own selves that create much of our own anguish through expectations or pride. Once we can let go of "missing out" or "Being cool," or "pleasures from money," we can begin to realize that pain is here and it is to remind us that we are temporary human beings with an end date.
Instead of running from pain, follow the old adage of running into it, tolerating its presence. Mental pain is beneficial and despite what we want to romanticize, it does not kill you, but out of pain and pleasure, is the only one that makes you stronger.
Sadly, I know better now. For some gift of insight, I have always known. Jealous of others whom got to look past themselves and didn't over-analyze their actions or further inward, their intent. I was always aware of mine. Even as a youth, picking on my brothers, bullying them for my own entertainment. I knew I was dissatisfied with myself and the external stimuli of a brother's frustrations was entertainment, a distraction, for a little while at least.
When picking on my brothers wasn't available, or enough, food then became the automatic go-to. Yes, food saved myself from, well, insight. It covered up all my woes, and like any drug addict will tell you, the path to get more of it, and the best of it, takes up all your time. For me, I needed the most and to know the most and best was available. I learned food chemistry at a young age by realizing that butter seems to add a richness to anything, so I had sugar and butter, I could pretty much make my own drugs.
What is it about pain that is too much? Not physical, that is measurable and has a purpose. After all, if you break your toe and can no longer walk on it, your body is simply trying to help you out. No, this is the mental pain, anguish if you will. The deep feeling that we have all experienced that can be one of the biggest downfalls of this life.
Pain, gets our attention, that's for sure. For some of us, it brings about the worst, the deviant behavior, use of external stimuli (food, sex, drugs, relationships, money) to cover up. Others, pain has this odd tendency to bring about the best. Like a counter response to pride, pain can break us down and remind us of our true place in this world.
Emotional pain does have a purpose. It has to, otherwise, even biologically, we are admitting to a faulty human set-up. The body knows better, even if our conscious selves doesn't want to see it. Emotional pain can actually be appreciated once you look at it. Once we stop avoiding guilt, anguish, shame, jealousy, betrayal, hurt, whatever mucky, negative feeling you can contrive, it can be appreciated.
Now, stick with me here, I am not saying that to have a satisfying life that we have to be in emotional discontent all the time. Wait, am I saying that? Maybe I am saying that. Maybe what it takes to find contentment is to acknowledge the parts of you that cause this pain inside. Admit these parts to yourself, radically acknowledge that all parts of you are worthy of acknowledgement, like the last kid picked in dodgeball, not because he sucks, but because it has to happen. Even the worst parts of you, are still parts of you. The child inside of me that wants to overindulge on holiday treats still exists and he has a purpose. I learn from him, he reminds me of what others overlook. I cannot forget that I have this part inside that looks externally for stimulation, which once I accepted it, I can now recognize it, and continue to improve on my ability to stay in the moment, without the external stimuli of food to "enhance" it. Plus, over-eating stimulating foods undoubtedly leads to sickness afterwards, a physical pain of the body telling me what I SHOULDN'T have done.
 |
| The sought-after pleasure can bring with it pain to get there. |
Not with pain however. Pain in small doses, a little reminder of human characteristics, that we are not bulletproof and that at times we all feel down. Feelings pass, this moment passes, pleasure passes. The funny thing about how pain and pleasure are stored in the brain is that pain is minimized, "It wasn't that bad," versus pleasure is maximized, "Dude, The Last Jedi was awesome," though the next time you see it, it isn't new and no longer is as exciting as the first time. By sacrificing everything, expecting nothing, you have nothing to lose and therefore less pain manifests. It is our own selves that create much of our own anguish through expectations or pride. Once we can let go of "missing out" or "Being cool," or "pleasures from money," we can begin to realize that pain is here and it is to remind us that we are temporary human beings with an end date.
Instead of running from pain, follow the old adage of running into it, tolerating its presence. Mental pain is beneficial and despite what we want to romanticize, it does not kill you, but out of pain and pleasure, is the only one that makes you stronger.
"God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscious, but shouts in our pains: it is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world." - C.S. Lewis The Problem of PainMuch of my own mental pain was discovered as easier to tolerate than the anguish felt by chasing pleasure. Hopefully my full story can help you if you can relate. Click here.
Comments
Post a Comment