Pizza Break

Fire, brimstone, a torturous, never-ending scene where one is completely alone, being ripped apart over and over, one thousand times one thousand times. A snake crawling in and out of oneself, unsettling, pain, loneliness, sadness, in all, the absence of all that is good. Hell is a place where one goes who does not accept Jesus Christ as the flesh version of God who died on the cross for our sins. More intimately than that, our father, God and the God-man, Jesus are the utmost high and accepting them into your heart creates salvation and thus allows one to enter the gates of Heaven after death. There will be no more ramblings about this not being a real thing, for this is what it is. Men do not like to talk about Hell, we'd rather discuss Heaven. We would rather sit and idealize Heaven as a place full of humanly pleasures. Myself, have made many references to a constant buffet full of donuts, pizza, ice cream, and other worldly foods I have never experienced. I imagine eating, ...

Anguish is the bearer of news that something is amiss. We shoot the messenger on this one. We blame the feeling as the problem because it was the one sent to deliver the message. Being uncomfortable reminds us of what comfort is like. Anguish is the feeling that we are off the mark, we are in a tumultuous relationship against ourselves with nobody winning the battle. The discontent where we wish for peace, relaxation, where we believe lies all we want. The only reason we even look to what we had before was because we are missing it now. Now a shovel to the ground where the hole’s dirt no longer resides. The ground doesn’t even notice the dirt is there, but the hole is now apparent.  Why do we do this to ourselves? Why must we miss something to appreciate what we once had and not until then? Why am I thankful for my legs only when I am reminded that there are people who served for this country who cannot use theirs. Does pain even exist, or is it the absence of contentment? A...

This is the year I am going to do it. I am going to do restrict the entire week before Thanksgiving. I am going to workout, extra hard, even on the day of to make up for all the extra calories I will have earned. I might be in such a state of famine that the extra slices of pie will be converted to the then devastated muscle tissue. "Gotta get my Fitbit steps up to justify the 4th helpings."  Logic has a funny way of being illogical. The contradiction here should entertain as well as intrigue. What is true in our minds is true to us. Even if "science" (yes I meant the quotes) deems our truth as false, we might not choose to recognize this "science." Outsiders may deem our view of the truth as "wrong" though that really doesn't matter to us, does it? I think that even the most passive people stand up for what they believe in. Even if it is in their own head. I believe that some of the most feeble-minded people have the most concrete bel...

Such a messed-up way to respond to someone. To acknowledge someone said something, yet without even completing the sentence indicated by a period, a comma and a word thrown afterwards to discount thought, trump an opinion of another with your own. "But," typically the next phrase intending to discount or argue what the "yeah," recognized. "Well Tim, I think that we should put up Christmas lights for the Holidays." Says Jill very excited about her plan. "Yeah, but what about if we, um, don't." Responds Tim. "I just think that it will add to the holiday cheer and others will like it is all." Jill's response more subdued now. "Right, um, no." Says Tim as he continues to read his paper without looking up or even considering a change. "Yeah, but..." Isn't anything but. They occur all the time and can be done so, as Tim showed us, with different words. What to look for is when these things occur in...

One word, a conditioned response. A family ravaged by smell. Our dog Athena, a 4-year-old husky, is a unique individual. Though she is technically still a dog, she is more like a sister to our daughter, a second bratty sibling. She shoves our daughter down to get food, competes with her for attention, talks to us in a way that we swear is demeaning us and our life choices.  If you walk in the door or wake up in the morning and fail to acknowledge her first, she becomes upset and lets out a grumble and a low howl.  She takes her food and scatters it all over the floor, demands walks when you put your shoes on.    To be fair, she is sweet as well. She cuddles when upset, is kind to our daughter when she falls on her, despite the falling occurring due to Athena’s unwillingness to move. She is a handful, and has a mentality unlike what one would expect from a normal dog. She gets her way through straight lack of care or concern for others, desires head of the pack and...

Sweet, lazy, little me.  As a child there were many opportunities I had to make money. My father was always willing to pay me something to work for him. These wages might have been meager and the work the type with no end, however the opportunities existed. In retrospect, I was lazy. It's easy to look back on my former childhood self with these critical perspectives, discounting all behaviors as a desire to be a sloth. When I really think about it though, if I was lazy then, am I not still the same lazy person now? Can a person really do a 180 degree turn and change completely who they once were? You have to remember, I am saying I was lazy as a child, a child who didn't choose as much as acted on impulse. I did not see consequences, I just saw the here and now, living for the moment. I would connive and scheme as to how I could avoid work, but yet weren't those things work in themselves? Was I really lazy when I was actively trying to convince my mom and dad without ...

Oftentimes, to do better in this world, you’ve got to “compete.” Everything since conception is a comparison to someone else. When in vitro your size, development, all measurable characteristics doctors can determine as appropriate or not. As adults, this pattern can be so ingrained in us to “compete,” or to a lesser extent, “compare,” to determine our placement. I, “competed,” for most of my life. In fact, without being prompted, I determined my environment as a competition where I won, or I lost. There was no "being," no gray area. With this perspective of the world, pride was my accomplice. Pride is a nasty little beast. Instances such as sports, work development, watching your own kids grow and develop, being associated with something that is doing good, all reinforcing this prideful nature. When something doesn’t go our way, or the Sharks don’t invest in our business, then we lose and are humiliated, the opposite of pride. When we want to do good in the world, h...

"What in the world?" I say to myself quietly, not to disturb my sleeping wife right next to the dresser. “There isn’t one of these socks as a set?” Another rhetorical question in my distressed state. As the flashlight on my phone gleams over to the pile of dirty clothes, I cannot help but feel this tugging of an earlier self that didn’t take the time to grab dirty socks in pairs for the wash. “Well, how dirty can the socks actually be?” Now I am justifying my need to find one pair on either the brown or black socks. I cannot use the colored ones, and if I look for another pair then I will have to start my search all over, something that pains me. Pulling the pile of clothes towards my post-shower, half-naked self, I see the glorious brown sock all balled up from last week. My agitation and fear of a potentially crusty sock does not dismay me enough to avoid slipping it on. I am reminded of my socks as a child and how I wouldn’t wash them very often and they ...

This is my list that I cam up with in 5 minutes this morning: Trusting. Balanced. Shopping lists. Honest feedback. Cute clothes for our daughter (stylish). Listens to me talk about the same stuff. A desire outside of herself to see people grow. Willing to listen to others. Balance with food I had never known before. Assertive. Spiritual. Indulges, just enough, of my childlike wonder. Appreciative Co-parents with respect to my wishes. Discusses differences. Funny (Not as much as me, but still) Appreciates creativity. Passionate. Hard-working. Shows me how to live in the middle (I tend to go all or nothing) Chosen from God (For I would not have known the qualities of a parent if it were up to me) Makes me better Makes me want to be better Goes along with my impulsive ideas just enough to see me fizzle out because she knows me. Resilient. Authentic. Shows emotion (even in her denial of her initial emotion) Comforts me, makes me feel small (physically) Sexy (...

Thursday 3PM, a three-day weekend lingers in the air. Is all I have to do is finish this one more note and I am out of here. A job well done, indicated by the work time being completely filled and me admitting that there wasn’t anything else I COULD do. Leaving work knowing you did the best you could and that you deserve a long-weekend is more satisfying to me than a vacation after a weekend. At least this one I feel I earned. Friday comes, it is full of activity with the family. Saturday passes nicely reminding me of life outside of work.   Sunday is a little dreary as now a work week lingers instead of the weekend before. In fact, I had already started to anticipate the work week on Saturday when I was enjoying my reading time. Monday morning, I am crawling out of bed, justifying the sacrifice to work out. Justifying a mood of positivity by appreciating all I have. A skill that is very difficult to work on when you are so tired and it’s dark outside. T...

Eating a "well-balanced" meal seems to be an agreed-upon way to start the day. A "well-balanced" breakfast can include anything from Pop-Tarts to Cereal or Oatmeal, even a donut if they had commercials to tell me so. This phrase, "well-balanced," an often accepted, rarely disputed description of your meals, your job and home life, your use of alcohol, I believe is often misconstrued. If numbers or a 3-steps-to-success is what you'd like next, then I am sorry friend, that is a book written by someone much more credentialed than I. What I have is a perspective shift, that might provide you with more opportunities in life to be content. Actively working on things is difficult at first, but yet, the amount of sacrifice being proposed here is minimal. Just every thought you ever have. Living a "well-balanced" life is the same as ensuring what you are doing never gets out of control for one, but more importantly, never corrodes the quality of ...

No job should ask more than the employee can give. Some jobs specialize in it. Military service demands it. Any branch of service from Coast Guard to elite an Seal Team, all demand more. More than what the individual thought possible. More than what the families may have initially signed up for. More than the body of a battered and bruised soldier can handle.  This kid was 12 years old. We never read the files. It seemed best to show up, do the job the best we could, leaving the memories with the family. I was young, early 20s, barely out of the house myself, both parents still alive. I started this duty for money, what I got was the best experience of my life.  In the military, anyone who serves has the opportunity to have an American Flag, rife squad, and a presented folding of the flag as a memento for a loved-one's time served . The ceremony is expected to be flawless, no matter the conditions.  This kid was 12. He was sitting next to his mom,...