Pizza Break

A Doughnut cake, different then a cake doughnut. Doing things you enjoy for the sake of doing them. This, a concept often overlooked, one I personally struggle with. Ulterior motives linger as I type. Thoughts about how others will receive what I think. I choose my words carefully for I fear this. A pattern throughout my life, a pattern that caused more pain, then pain would allow for. A brutally honest post means others will know what I have feared for so long; what people thought of me. I wanted to be "cool." I want people to think I have things "under control," whatever that means. It took me 31 years to finally realize and accept that I will die one day and that I could have wasted my time on the in-between. This place of not fully doing what you want and not quite doing what you ought to do, a concept taken from The Screwtape Letters, C.S. Lewis. A concept that hit hard. It's easier to say, "no, I like these things." When in reality I ...

As the damp, cloudy day comes to an end, the drive home through the puddles serves as a reminder of the simple joys. The little drizzle cause for the lowest function on my windshield wipers to perform their minor duty. Driving through pot holes and puddles avoiding splashing any on the sidewalk speckled with kids carrying backpacks and their dreaded homework. It's cool, but not cold. The moisture makes the environment appear colder than it is. On this early autumn day, the moisture is welcomed due to the unending heat over the weekend. Work is out, my wife with our daughter will meet me at home. Driving past a couple of holiday favorites of mine, I want to eat. My hunger is not due to nutrients, but to nostalgia. I want to feel more than this classic autumn sensation I have now. I want more feel-goods that only the fantastic stimulation of festive foods can provide. Foods like breads, cookies, hot chocolate, seasonal candies, even a hot cooked meal full of bread....

Typing notes at work, mid-afternoon. There aren't any problems. In fact, most of the work is done for the day. I was busy enough for the morning that the afternoon is smooth sailing until going home. Yea, I may have put off eating due to being busy, but that's no big deal right? I have an obsession where I must complete my notes prior to eating. A meal I was supposed to have an hour ago now. I have some gum in my drawer. I can chew a few pieces until I am done and then I can eat knowing I satisfied my obligation. The meal isn't anything special anyways, just fish. Add caption One piece of the Trident grazes the tongue, it's sweet, minty, Mint Bliss to be exact, my favorite. One piece is chewed for a few minutes followed by a second. I usually chew 2 at a time anyways due to their smaller-in-size packaging. A few minutes further into my excessive note typing, trying to stay focused, stay on track, completing the final component of my work day. I figure I can th...

It sounds so much easier in texting.  My chest is sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy, no vomit on my sweater and no spaghetti, but there was an overwhelming feeling of dizziness I ignored which evolved to utter fatigue. Exhaustion sets in as I am here, in the dark, 2.4 miles from the house. This means, 2.4 miles from destination, from safety....  I decided to try out my renegade skills, my overconfidence in my body to survive on minimal. I chose to push past the initial tingly hands, and spots in my vision. I am not "training" today as much as I am mentally preparing myself. I have a run next week where I dedicate 10 miles, broken up into spurts. I made this decision back in March, a time so far away from now that I figured "I'll get around to actual training." Though I run on the treadmill, lift weights, I haven't done any "long runs" outside for a long time. This week, today, I planned on a "long run" just to remind myself. Waki...

This week for my pie adventure, I chose Yia Yia's. This a local delicacy. Having only had it once, it was pretty amazing. Unfortunately though, due to the game in town and the location of this place being in the downtown area, we put the name back. A breaker of my own rules, however I have a family to worry about here. So, next choice......(drum roll please) OH YEA! VALENTINO'S! I meant the all caps on this one. Valentino's is a Lincoln favorite. Having started in Nebraska, this franchise is one of the constant tops. Then again, so was Pizza Hut, so let us hope they do not get drunk before the party (a metaphor for not bringing their best game, however I do hope the employees stay sober while on shift at least). Alright in my research aka Google Search for a little bit of trivia I came across an article that I read earlier in the year however has some relevancy now. http://journalstar.com/news/local/cindy-lange-kubick-the-hangry-hordes-a-pizza-and-a/article_65529...

Play.  Play versus not knowing any better- what is play to a kid, learning, stimulation? What is work to an adult? Work is stimulating, well, ideal work would be stimulating anyway. People are going to school for? The act of learning? Expectation to receive a degree? To eventually get a job in a career field they enjoy? I think the latter is the correct sounding one, however immediately following high school one does not necessarily choose to continue school and pay for it unless there is some bigger reason behind it. I do believe that some people at 18 or 19 would choose to continue schooling and I also believe those people are the same driven to work in a highly refined field, doctors, engineers, mathematicians. Why? Is school work now play to them? Are they so stimulated by what knowledge provides that it has now transitioned from work as one person might see it to play as they see it? After all, wouldn't the definition of either work or play, which are typically represente...

The following was a deleted entry for a new book. I just wanted to get this out there. Me and 4H= Huge success! In 6th grade, money was becoming a resource that my parents couldn’t provide enough of. Working was a difficult option because I was significantly under the age where I could work at anything other than field work for farmers. This option was not available for me because, well, I was lazy. Even in my utmost desires of material things could I force myself to work the fields of a farm for 12 hours a day. This idea was equivalent to moving overseas to become a translator. I didn’t have the capabilities. What I did have though was a father. A father whom know people in the community. A father who looked up to work as his own savior and wanted the best for his kids. My work ethic thus far had proven to be lacking however the desire for things started to change that. Her name was Tanya. She was thin. Uncomfortably thin. She wore the lose fitting string tank-tops intended...

Take a closer look. Let's take a look at a better body. I'll start superficially here. Now, we want to look better, preferable with clothes off, maybe in a bathing suit? OK, we want to look better for, others? That right there can involve some self-esteem work if that is the motive. Now, we want to look better, so what do we assume? We assume that by losing body fat and increasing muscle mass, or just the first, will do it right? I just need to lose 10 pounds. A number on a scale. Scales which are all just different enough and if used at different times, that poundage can fluctuate. So, maybe it isn't a number we are after, but a look. We assume that a loss of 10 pounds would look a certain way right? Like there is an image in your head as to what you are shooting for. You think that the 10 pounds will pull directly from the stomach region, or the hips, or the thighs, the areas that people are typically concerned about. OK, so now we are expecting to lose a solid 10 ...

As diet phenomenons go, they strike with ferocity, only to leave with a subtle whisper. Fad diets, no matter how much they are based in research will inevitably pass thus leaving people to their old behaviors. Diets like Atkins, where carbohydrates are eliminated and certain ones slowly let back in, Ketogenic diet, which can be pretty severe, Intermittent Fasting where you go for 8-16-or 24 hour bursts with no food, I call that being poor at work, and a popular one as of late, (If It Fits Your Macros) or IIFYM for short. Whatever you decide and whatever happens afterwards, make sure not to be too hard on yourself. For my brothers and I growing up, carbohydrates were one of the first things we learned about as detrimental to our physiques. When I entered college I discovered that the highly refined types were also detrimental to my mental health, a fact that sticks with me still today. However "low-carb" the family, outside of my littlest brother and father whom tend to ea...

Like a sexual encounter with an individual carrying a disease, a burning sensation afterwards. A  reminder to the body that a choice always has a consequence. Time at the gym can be a competition, sure, however where does the contest end? When do the winners get announced? When am I finally able to be done at the gym? Like a great comic once made an inference about healthy-looking gym-goers, "what are you doing here, you're done." This obviously not how the gym works and much more importantly only requires more investment. The first time you step foot inside, you are happy with just walking in and seeing things. After a week, you are walking on the treadmill after touching some weights. After a month you start to push yourself a little on doing not 2 sets, but 3. A year passes and you've lost weight, put on muscle, and your punch card for boot camps is full, you might even be allowing tags on a Facebook post. A few years after that, if you're anything like me,...